when trying to relax is stressful
all of yoga podcast · episode 68
You've finally finished everything you needed to do. You've got some time to yourself. You've decided: right, now I'm going to relax.
Except... you're not relaxing, your mind is getting busier, you're becoming increasingly aware of how not relaxed you are, and now you're stressed about the fact that you can't seem to switch off.
In this episode of All of Yoga, we're exploring why trying to relax can sometimes become stressful in itself - and what you can do instead of sitting there trying to think your way to feeling calmer.
We'll explore what happens when relaxation is another task to complete, why thoughts that have been pushed into the background during a busy day become so LOUD when we stop, and the difference between distracting ourselves from those thoughts and actually giving them somewhere to go.
And, most importantly, I'll give you two really solid plans for when you have time to relax, but you're spiralling:
1. Free writing
Grab some paper and write whatever is going through your mind. No grammar, no spelling, no making it sound sensible. Just giving those thoughts somewhere to land.
2. Get into your body
Rather than trying to solve a busy mind with even more thinking, move your attention towards physical sensation. The accompanying body scan for this episode will help you practise noticing what's happening in your body without needing to judge it, change it or create a story around it.
FREE MEDITATION
Body scan for noticing sensation - an interoceptive practice
This gentle body scan is an invitation to notice what you can feel, without needing to explain it, change it or decide whether it is good or bad.
You'll be guided slowly through the body, exploring sensations such as warmth, heaviness, tingling, tightness, softness, pulsing, spaciousness and stillness. The practice encourages you to stay with direct physical sensation, rather than getting pulled into the stories, worries or judgements that can so easily accompany what we feel in the body.
Over time, this kind of practice can help train your attention to stay in the present moment and become more comfortable simply noticing what is here.
You can practise lying down, sitting, standing or even gently moving, as long as you feel safe and comfortable.
There is nothing to achieve and no particular sensation you are supposed to find. Simply notice what you notice today.
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transcript - When trying to relax is stressful
When trying to relax is stressful. Have you ever tried to relax and find yourself getting really annoyed by the fact that you are not, in fact, [00:01:00] relaxing? This episode is unpicking that exact sentiment of, " okay, now I finally have some time to relax, but actually trying to relax is stressing me out."
And the more you try to relax, the more stressed out you're getting, and so we go on. So there's a few things that we're going to talk about, including approaching relaxation as a task, distraction and attention, and then a solid plan for what to do when you want to relax without it stressing you out.
Okay, so let's go. All right, so when we approach relaxation as a task, as in, "I have unloaded the dishwasher, I have watered my plants, and replied to my friend, and now it is time to relax." It might be that there's an element of trying to [00:02:00] work out whether this task is done or how close to done it is.
You know, watering the plants, they're either watered or not. It's quite binary. But relaxing is much more of a gray scale, and so subconsciously or consciously, if we're a-assessing the effectiveness, the doneness of being relaxed, that might actually be keeping us on high alert. But But it's okay.
We can circumvent this and the more stressful activating consequences of this, which we'll talk about in a moment
Distraction and attention So I'd bet that when you think, "Okay, now it's time to relax after a challenging day," your day might have been busy, there might have been uncomfortable moments in there, et cetera, et cetera, that it's really annoying when you do finally have that time to dial down a bit and then your [00:03:00] mind actually feels like it's speeding up.
When we're busy, ongoing thoughts are pushed into the background a bit. but then when there's dow ntime, they come to the forefront. This is a pain in the tush, there's no doubt about it, but it has to happen. The way I see it is that there's, there's two options, two routes here. One, we either keep pushing the thoughts into the background continually by watching TV, reading, scrolling, et cetera. Or two, we face them, deal with them, and then that route progresses onto hopefully feeling nice and relaxed. you don't have to sit there thinking, spiraling, Wishing that you were more relaxed. So let's get into the plan for what to do. I have two solid suggestions for you. One is writing, and two is getting into the body. Let's look at both. [00:04:00] One, writing.
Something that my therapeutic clients find success with again and again, even after a period of initial resistance, shall we say, is journaling. Free writing. Just grabbing some scrap paper or your beautiful notebook and a pen, and free writing everything that is on your mind. And by that I mean not being even slightly concerned with grammar, spelling, et cetera.
Just writing, writing, writing everything that's on your mind. Putting pen to paper, and meeting your thoughts head on that way
The second solid plan to deal with calming the mind down is, I mean, it sounds counterintuitive, but trust me, moving the attention [00:05:00] into the body. This podcast episode is accompanied by a practice that I love with all my heart, which is a body scan for noticing sensation. This, in theory, trains our minds to notice, to be present, and to sit with sensation, which might be even slightly uncomfortable, but without that kind of storytelling and judging, and importantly, without spiraling, going off into more and more and more thoughts.
This practice is linked to in the show notes, and you can do it any time. You can be standing, sitting, lying down. You can do it when you wake up. You can do it when you need a break, when you finish work. Like, honestly, whenever. But this is a tool to be with your mind, i.e., not distracted, but not [00:06:00] spiraling.
Okay, let's summarise. Those times when you finally have an opportunity to relax, or you've declared to yourself that it's time to relax, yes, you might successfully flop down somewhere and feel super chilled, but on other occasions you might not. And then that spirally brain starts adding on, "Well, why can I not relax?
Why am I broken?" onto everything else. When you notice that, you actually might thank your mind for bringing in thoughts and worries and concerns to the forefront, and then face them. Not in a spirally way where they, in and of themselves, stress you out and lead to more thoughts, but in order to put them down.
And there's two solid strategies to do that, Well, I mean, there's a billion solid strategies, but today I'm suggesting two. One, free writing, and two, getting into the body with a body scan [00:07:00] for noticing sensation. There is really no need to be sat or laid down trying to think your way to relaxation.
You can get there another way. I really, really, really hope that you found that helpful, and that you file those two strategies away for any time you need them. Don't forget, the noticing sensation practice is linked to in the show notes. And as always, yogi, happy practicing.